Diary of a Walrus - 'The Bulge and the Beautiful!' (Week 10)

I've been having some seriously wierd dreams! Apparently it's OK. It's quite normal and down to a number of things such as general anxieties about pregnancy, raging hormones and the fact that you are not getting any proper sleep on account of getting up every couple of hours to go to the loo! Anyway, I read that you should write a kind of dream diary and scribble down your dreams as soon as you wake up in the morning while you still remember them. That way,you can make sense of them in your waking hours....or that's the theory! OK, make sense of this!...The other night I dreamt that there were all these worms on the floor that flicked themselves up and stuck on to you like leeches and you had to pull them off. Yuck! Another one I had, I can't really remember but it had Dawn French in it! What the hell is that trying to tell me?...That my body is being taken over by parasites and I am going to be hugely obese in the near future???!!! Aha! That was quite easy after all - and to think that people pay loads of money in therapy to work that out!!!

Somehow, I think that if I made a dream diary aswell as this one the men in white coats would be coming to take me away! It would give a whole new meaning to that old Victorian term for pregnancy; 'confinement!'

I don't want to remember my mad dreams,they just make me feel even more mental than I do already!

Another thing that has recently been sent to try my sanity...finding swimwear for my holiday. AARGH! What a complete nightmare!

Picture the scene (if you dare!)Hot and bothered in a clammy changing room with horrid florescent lighting and an unforgiving mirror. You know, those ones that look as though they've borrowed them from the funhouse when the circus came to town! Anyway, after all my huffing and puffing and nearly falling out through the curtain with all my exertions I think that the final straw came when I heard some...some...well, bitch (there, I said it!)a couple of cubicles down whining that something was too 'baggy' and 'did they do a smaller size???!!!'

That was it! I gathered up all the discarded cossies with as much dignity as I could possibly muster and left the whole bundle with the attendant with a shrill 'Don't ask!'

Absolute torture! Right, I am doing leg raises, body brushing and fake tan everyday for the next two weeks before I attempt that ordeal again!